There is gift in the gathering.

Brian Reavey

Hi. Here I am... still around... still not blogging very often. :) Again, it's been nearly a month. There's been a lot happening in the month gone by... Suffice it to say, this is one whirlwind summer!!! Where do I start? Well, I'll give you a brief synopsis of what's been going on... then a few reflections...

In the 2 weeks following my last post, I started an independent study in canon law... turned 35 (!)... traveled to north Texas for a wedding... traveled to the Woodlands, TX to visit with a friend... and renewed my vows. I've never seen 2 weeks go by so quickly!

The canon law course was a complete surprise for me. I came to Texas expecting to take a 2-week long Scripture course on the Synoptics. Well, that was not to be. Last night I completed a 23 page rough draft of a research paper. The paper is due in August. ... My birthday was pretty low-key. I had dinner with a friend (with whom I've been friends since we were 14), his wife and their two children. The Sisters and I celebrated the night before with a nice seafood meal and lots of laughter. I celebrated the day after my birthday with the Casa Maria Marianist Community... Then, the next day, I was off to the wedding. I traveled north about 5 hours from San Antonio with a good friend who is a Marianist brother. We had a fun and completely

unproductive few days. The wedding was beautiful and the reception was fun. ... Then, it was San Antonio for 1 day and off to the Woodlands to visit another friend with whom I've been close since we were 14. She was there for a conference. So, I kept her hotel room company (working on readings in canon law) during the day and we spent time together in the evenings. I got back to San Antonio just in time for a conference call for Marianist LIFE, a working dinner (for LIFE) and then the renewal of vows on June 26.

On June 27 I traveled to Louisville, KY... I was there until July 4. You may ask, "Why Louisville?" And why was I there for an entire week??

Sunday June 27 - Tuesday July 29 was a program called "Stella Maris." It is a formation program for those of us who are temporary professed Marianists. We were assigned some readings prior to our gathering - readings on our charism, history, mission and life in Marianist community. During the days that we were together we shared with each other the fruits of our reading and prayer. We talked about community life... our mission as Marianists... the role of Mary in our lives... We shared prayer... and we had a lot of good conversations.

On Wednesday July 30 approximately 300 Marianists brothers & priests, 20 or so Lay Marianists, and 2 other Marianist sisters descended upon Louisville (and our barely large enough hotel) for the brothers' assembly - "Gather at the River." The assembly had many purposes. One purpose was to install the new provincial council. Another was to embrace the new strategic plan for the province - Vision 2020. Lastly, it's good for this group to gather - to share conversation about important things (and some not so "important") - to pray together - and to celebrate together.

You may ask why I was present for the brothers' assembly. Well... back in April the planning committee for the gathering asked me to be on a panel that would address the group. Each day during the assembly there were two panel presentations about different elements of Vision 2020. I was part of the final panel on partnership within the Marianist family. That was daunting! Luckily, several of my friends were on panels in the days prior and helped me feel a little more okay with it... and I think it went okay.

These few days since I've been back in San Antonio, I've been holed up in my room working on that crazy canon law paper. The due date on the rough draft is next week. Luckily, it's done. This afternoon I am going to Austin to visit with family. I finally get to see my dad, older sister, niece, nephew etc. When I get back, it'll be 3 days before work for LIFE South begins... Then, back to Dayton 3 weeks from now!

Okay. That wasn't exactly a brief synopsis of anything, was it. :) It's so hard to be brief when life is so full! I'll try to be brief in my reflection...

I've been thinking a lot lately about friendship... and about the vows I renewed last month. If a person is called to live a life of poverty, chastity, and obedience (and stability, in my case), then the vows allow the person to grow in the capacity to love - love God, others, and self. However, the paradox of that is that it is a somewhat solitary life. When it comes to building and sustaining relationships, a vowed religious is called to love broadly... not exclusively any one person or group of people. So, what does that mean practically???

Well... if this summer is any indication... for me it means that relationships - even close friendships - will always be in flux. I may live in the same city as a close friend for a while, but then ministry calls me or the other in a different direction. Or, perhaps, I might think that I'd like to chat with a someone, but time zone differences are too great for phone conversations or the demands of ministry/community schedule do not allow for lengthy conversations. ... I am blessed to have friends spread all over the country... which, really is a cool reality. But how does one maintain those relationships? Patience, I think, is pretty important.... Enjoying the few times you can be physically present... and the occasional phone call/e-mail/facebook update...

And so, relationships are built with the people around at the time. This does not diminish in any way the relationships with people far away. But, one cannot become so dependent on any friendships (near or far) that it leaves the person closed to other possibilities.

There's more that I could say, but I think I've rambled enough. :) I started this blog with a picture and a quote - both from the time in Louisville. I am grateful for the time with good friends... for the conversations on community, mission, and partnership... and I look towards our future with a great deal of hope.

Many blessings!

Sr. N

Go placidly amid the noise and haste

and remember what peace there may be in silence...

Desiderata

Max Ehrmann

I've always had an affinity for the poem quoted above... So much so that I memorized in high school and did a "dramatic rendering" of it in my freshman English class... When I graduated from 8th grade our language arts teacher gave each of us a copy of it and said that it as good advice as we moved on from St. Mary's. How right she was... wise woman.

So, I've been thinking about blogging for a while - more than a month to be exact. Every time I thought to myself, "I'll blog later today" or "I'll blog tomorrow morning" things never went the way I thought they would. When do they ever?!

It's been a good month. Time seems to go a little too quickly, however. In order to try to capture the events and learnings since last I wrote, I thought I would use "Desiderata" to frame things... instead of writing about what's been happening in life in chronological order... (yes, I'm stepping out of my comfort zone and doing something new & different! Hard to believe, I'm sure!)...

"Go placidly amid the noise and haste, a remember what peace there may be in silence."

This summer began with my annual retreat. 8 days of silence in the hills of West Virginia. I went with a group from UD - all theology or pastoral ministry grad students or PhD candidates. There were 10 of us on retreat together with 2 spiritual directors. It was a fantastic way to begin the summer. The sunsets were phenomenal... I saw many deer, turtles, rabbits, and fascinating birds... God and I had many good conversations as I took my morning and evening walks. There was a room called the "listening room" at the retreat center. In that room there was a cd player and classical cds. I listened to hours of Chopin and Mozart as I wrote in my journal and drew mandalas. It was a very creative retreat for me. Any of you who have met me or know me personally know that I am no artist. I get too frustrated because my creations aren't perfect. But, for some reason I was much more free during this time of retreat - I sat with a huge box of Crayolas (did you know they come in insane numbers like 124?!) and paper and just colored... and drew... with no plan... no sketching... and no self-judging. That in and of itself is a grace!

There were many quotes from Scripture on which I meditated on retreat. But the one that stands out most to me as being particularly significant was "I have told you this that my joy might be in you and your joy might be complete." from John's gospel. It's part of the last supper discourse when Jesus is teaching about remaining in God's love. Joy... the result of remaining in union with God and living a life of love. Joy... the result of living the life you are called to live and doing it with abandon into God's love. Why I had never really thought about things that way or from that perspective, I will never know. I am certainly glad that it was one of the graces of the retreat, though! As St. Iraneus said, "The glory of God is the human person fully alive."

"As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story."

Coming off retreat I was filled with a sense of understanding what it might mean to love... even in situations or with people that I don't particularly care for. I am constantly learning how to love. It's the lesson that community and religious life in general teaches over and over... which is good, because I think I must be a slow learner! What catches me about this part of the "Desiderata" is the idea of speaking the truth... and being on good terms with people. When I first arrived in San Antonio I had two experiences of friends who are typically positive, upbeat people... however, both were not necessarily in "good space" and so were almost cynical. It took me by surprise in both situations. My typical response would be to respond by being brought down and thinking that I had done something to cause the negative dynamic. This time, though... I was able to maintain my slightly more optimistic-realism and realize it wasn't about me. There's a novel idea... it's not always about me. :) And I pray that joy might be theirs again.

"Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit."

This statement is so true... and yet, how does one actually do that? I'm not sure, really. Although, I do think it's important to pay attention to the attitudes of the people with whom I spend time... which relationships encourage love, faith, prayer... and which don't?

Recently I was in Chicago for the Catholics on Call young adult conference (http://www.catholicsoncall.org/). No worries... I know I'm not a "young adult" anymore. I was there as a mentor/small group facilitator. I came away from that experience with a lot to ponder... to pray about... and a very long list of books I "should" read. However, in relation to this part of the "Desiderata" I remember something that the founder of "Harmony, Hope & Healing" (www.harmonyhopeandhealing.org/) said to us. We were talking about how she understood her ministry as her vocation and she came to found this fantastic ministry. She talked to us about the importance of surrounding ourselves with people who support us. When she first started thinking about how she could use her musical talents to serve the needs of the poor/homeless in Chicago, she met with a lot of resistance and questions from members of her family. But, she felt called to this... so she surrounded herself with supportive people... And eventually... she was able to found this organization.

"If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time."

This particular line... while not exactly my perspective (Career?... nope. Vocation? yes!) I do think it's true that comparing ourselves with others can be damaging....

"Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass."

I'm not sure why this particular sections starts with a statement about business. But... in a world where the news is filled with evidence of sinfulness, injustice, and selfishness... it's easy for me to get overwhelmed with grief for the state of our world. Or on closer to home, inequity all around in the educational system... the division in the Church... It could be easy for me to become cynical or jaded. But I've realized over the years, and especially in this summer, that my initial attitude is typically one of trust in the goodness of the other. Yes, it's caused me pain through the years, but somehow I think I'd rather go through life being who I am rather than a cynical shell of myself.

"Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness."

Next week I will be 35. THIRTY-FIVE! That almost seems impossible. I realize that 35 is not that old. In fact, in the grand scheme of life, it's still fairly young. However, I also am starting to grasp that maturity and wisdom are good things to continue to grow towards. Mind you, I realize that I'm not always the most mature person in a room full of peers. The thing is that now I recognize that fact, whereas I think I've been oblivious to it. I also am coming to understand that there is an important distinction between youthfulness and foolish immaturity. It's taken me a long time to understand that. It's about time!

"Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should."

How many times has a spiritual director told me, "Be gentle with yourself" or "Nicole, you're too harsh on yourself." Indeed! It's hard to change a way of thinking if it's how you were raised or how you've always understood life to be. Another grace of my retreat in May was coming to a clearer understanding of what it means to be gentle with oneself... without being careless. Aristotle once wrote that virtue is the mean... or some people have translated it as "virtue lies in the middle between extremes." An insight into myself this summer has been that I am a woman of extremes... all or nothing type of mentality... in most things. Not a healthy way to be! It's funny how I came to understand this. One morning on retreat I was out for a walk. All of a sudden I had an urge to run (those that know me know that I don't run). So... I ran... for a little while. It was almost a sprint. Then... I couldn't go anymore so I started jogging more slowly, but I didn't like that. So, I started walking. And I thought to myself, "Either I sprint or I walk, there is no in between. That's why I never run." Then in dawned on me - I'm like that in everything! Funny how God brings things to light in unexpected ways. I should repeat to myself every so often, "Virtue lies in the middle..."

The end of the "Desiderata" goes like this...

"Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."

Amen!

Many blessings to all who read this!

Sr. N