Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart

Kahill Gibran

Today, I'm going to depart from my typical topics for reflection and hone in on something seemingly superficial... keeping in mind that things are not always what they seem.

When I entered religious life I knew that some of my assumptions, ways of living, and world-view would be challenged. I knew that my ideas about life would stretch and grow and be reshaped. What I didn't anticipate is a call to reflect on (of all things) my hair!

This will take some explanation...

For as far back as I can remember, the standard of beauty for women in my family was straight hair and fair skin. This is often the case for women of African descent in America. Many young black women are raised to believe that the straighter their hair and lighter their skin, the more beautiful they are. It's ingrained and is an undercurrent in many black communities.

Consequently, many (not all) black women spend 100s of dollars on chemical straighteners (relaxers) ... time avoiding the sun (which will cause them to tan)... and trying not to get their hair wet. I have always been one of these women. Since I was 10 or 12 years old I have gotten my hair relaxed every 4-6 weeks. Lately, it's been every 6 because the cost is exorbitant (relatively).

What I have started to question is... why? What's this craziness all about? AND... what does this mean in the context of the vows I professed (and renewed!)?

Why? I have always told myself that straightened hair is easier and more manageable. However, if I'm really honest with myself, that's not the reason. It's because of vanity... and because of the deep-seated notion that curly/kinky, uncontrolled hair is less desirable than the sleek, straight look.

So, what does this have to do with vows & religious life?

• Let's take a look at the vow of poverty. On a practical level, the vow has to do with the proper use of resources - and deeper, it has to do with the proper relationship to resources. Is it desirable that I should use our resources every 6 weeks for this purpose? Could those resources be better used?
• In relation to the vow of chastity... does vanity have any place here? True, I shouldn't go around looking like I don't take care of myself. However, at what point does it become self-serving vanity? Why should it be important to me what people think about something so unimportant as my hair?
• Obedience to God's movement in my life/our lives... should I really be using our resources for this purpose? What is my obligation to the congregation?

And so... where does this leave me? I've decided to grow out my relaxer and "go natural." Now, this may seem like a no-brainer to some, but it's a lot more difficult than one might think. It requires that I change the way in which I view the world, myself, and what makes something/someone beautiful. It's not just physical, but psychological.

I've worn my curly/kinky/unruly hair around the house and out in public (heaven forbid!) for the past few days. Am I self-conscious? More than I can put into words! Do people look at me funny? It seems that way. And yet... there's a certain amount of freedom in letting go of a false concept of self. God has given me curly hair. It's about time I embrace it instead of denying it!

Many blessings to you all!

Sr. N

When you discover your belovedness by God in solitude,

you see the belovedness of other people in community

and can call that beauty forth in ministry.

Henri Nouwen

Wow. It's already been 10 days since I last posted... There's so much to say, though, it seems it's been much longer...

As my last blog indicated, there have been 3 "big" events recently: the Giving Voice conference, my birthday, and the renewal of my vows. And in a funny way, they all connect, in that that they all have called me to deeper reflection on relationships, community life, and the gifts of both.

The weekend of June 11-14 I was in Milwaukee at Alverno College (a small school run by the School Sisters of St. Francis) for Giving Voice. Approximately 60 sisters under the age of 50 gathered - to share insights, discuss our deepest hopes for living community, share stories, and celebrate the life we live. Our presenter, Dr. Louisa Saffiotti spoke with us from the perspective of family systems theory... about what healthy community is and the obstacles to said life. We also had 2 facilitators of conversation - Sr. Maria Cimperman, OSU and Sr. Kathleen Feely, SND. It was a fabulous weekend. Many things to ponder and pray about... and the beginnings of friendships.

I had the chance to meet a few sister bloggers while I was there - Sr. Susan from Musings of a Discerning Woman and a woman just entering her community, Juliet from Seeking Sophie. Sr. Katy from Religious Life Rocks: The Adventures of One Fun Nun was there (as part of the planning team), but I didn't get a chance to really chat with her. Anyway, it was good to meet so many younger women who have decided to take the risk...

After the conference was over, I had the chance to meet up with a friend I hadn't seen in almost 10 years! After college I did a year of volunteer work in a little town in the southwestern part of Texas. I lived with 4 other recent college grads: Nicki from Wisconsin, Amy from Minnesota, Lina from the Bronx, and Julie from northern Kentucky. Julie passed away the year after our volunteer year (non-Hodgkin's lymphoma). Amy was able to make it to my vows last year. Lina and I lost touch a few years ago. Nicki and I have kept in sporadic touch over the years (facebook helps), but I hadn't seen her since she and Amy visited me in San Antonio years ago. Anyway, Nicki now lives in Milwaukee. We only had about 2 hours together, but it was so good to chat and catch up - in person. We decided we shouldn't let nearly 10 years go by without face-to-face time!

So, I returned to San Antonio to face the reality that I hadn't done any of the reading I was supposed to do for class (Principles of Theological Method). Was that a mistake? I'm thinking no. I think relationship building while I was in Milwaukee was the priority. Karl Rahner could wait...

Last Tuesday was my birthday. Can I really be 34 already?! Anyway, I was flooded with facebook messages, e-mails and reminders of people's care and concern for me. It was a little overwhelming, but in a good way. Our community celebrated on Thursday evening... that was nice.

On Friday evening I celebrated with 2 very good friends, Bro. Brandon and Bro. Dennis. We had dinner together and then went out for ice cream and conversation. Since both of them are Marianist brothers we always talk about religious life, the mission of the Marianist family, community, relationships and how God is moving in our lives. We talked for HOURS... I find conversations like that to be life-giving in many ways.

Then, yesterday, in the midst of evening prayer, I renewed my vows in the presence of our San Antonio community, Bro. Brandon, my sister, her granddaughter and a family friend. It was a very simple vespers with a few songs and prayed in choirs. But it was meaningful in many ways, as I'm sure you can imagine. After the prayer service, we had a wonderful meal followed by ice cream and fresh strawberries. It doesn't get much better than that!

And so, it's been days of relationship building, community, and reflecting/sharing on life as a religious in the 21st century. These weeks have called to mind what a blessing the people in my life are and how God often acts in my life through the people around me. I have also reflected on areas of growth in my life in community in balance with how much I have grown in the past year.

I will leave you now. I really should get moving on what will be a full day. I've moved on from Rahner and now am reading David Tracy... certainly not any easier to read!

Many blessings to all who read this!

Sr. N