Reflecting

Cultural influences have set up the assumptions about the mind, 

the body, and the universe with which we begin; pose the questions we ask; 

influence the facts we seek; determine the interpretation we give these facts; 

and direct our reaction to these interpretations and conclusions.

Gunner Myrdal

As we begin this month of October and a week of retreat, I thought I would share a few thoughts on which I've been reflecting.

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I've known for a long time that the United States does not support a communitarian culture. We are individualistic, goal-oriented, privacy-protecting, independent, and rights-focused... generally speaking. This is something that I've grown more critical of in recent years... and yet, it remains deeply ingrained in me. Last weekend a few of us went to Sunday Mass at a nearby parish. At the end of Mass during the announcements, there was information given on upcoming weddings. "So-and-so, son of so-and-so, from such-and-such plans to marry so-and-so, daughter of so-and-so, from such-and-such. If anyone has reasons this marriage should not take place..." I gasped - audibly. I was flabbergasted and wondered, "What is happening?!" So, later at lunch, I asked my table about this practice. Those at the table (as far as I can remember right now) were from Zambia, Kenya, Vietnam, Ivory Coast, Malawi, India, and South Korea. Everyone was familiar with this practice - except the person from South Korea and myself. 

Marriage in many contexts is a communal affair. I learned from the conversation that it's not just for any reason that someone can speak in opposition to a marriage. But, perhaps someone in the community is aware that one of the people already has a spouse and family somewhere else... or that they are guilty of something serious... And it's a process, not just a random objection. They laughed when I asked about bitter exes trying to stop their former partner from marrying someone else. It's not like that. People don't disrespect the process.

I went from flabbergasted (and appalled?) to fascinated, curious, and deeply reflective. Shaped by the culture from which I come, I couldn't image this - someone interjecting into someone else's private life and trying to deny a right. But that is not the perspective from which others look at the situation. And perhaps there is something to learn from this... oh, arrogant American.

Something else I learned from the conversation... Since everyone in the parish knows when the wedding is (date and time), people just show up to the celebration... invitation... no invitation... it doesn't matter. Everyone is welcome. 

There's something about all this that I appreciate. 

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A funny exchange happened yesterday when a few of us went out for lunch after a hiking expedition. One of the Sisters ordered a drink I didn't recognize. The Brother sitting next to me explained, very matter-of-fact, "That beer is for women." "Oh?? (with an eyebrow raised) What does that mean?" I responded very calmly. "Oh! I mean... I'm not trying to... I mean... it's... hmm... you know... not as strong... good for women."... "Oh?" It was kind of funny to watch him trying to get himself out of that situation. What he was actually trying to say is that it's a good "starter" beer for those who don't drink. And to be fair, I should explain that this Brother doesn't drink at all. So, some slack is necessary. But it was interesting to me: 1. how matter-of-fact his statement was and 2. how quickly I responded with a challenge in my voice - not rudely - just challenging the statement.  

My understanding of the equality of the sexes is fierce - even in mundane things.

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Random learning from yesterday - 

Distance here is measured in kilometers. However, the odometer in vehicles is called "mileage." I tried to explain to people why this doesn't make sense, but no one understood (or cared?) what I was trying to point out. There should be another word for calculating distance that is based on kilometers instead of miles, yes? Why call it mileage if you don't use miles? 

I'm right about this one... 😉

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Last week I stayed up way too late on a Wednesday night having an intense conversation with a Brother from West Africa and one from India about the impact of colonization and white supremacy - missionaries and the "white savior complex" -  on religious life in their contexts. There is paternalism and a resulting infantilization that is still part of the dynamic in international congregations. Enlightening conversation... but also maddening and somewhat strange for me as a person of color from a Western nation. I'm in such a weird position of privilege, but not quite... If that makes sense. I walk a line, and it influences everything. Mine is a unique voice, no doubt. I have so much still to learn, though. 

So much to carry with me into retreat this week. I appreciate your prayers... and know of mine!

From the chapel here at the retreat center

Blessings,

Sr. N