Until next time...

How lucky am I to have something

that makes saying goodbye so hard.

Winnie the Pooh

What can I say? I'm not sure what to say. There's too much... 

Yesterday, our last day together, each of us shared insights we've gained from being here - in 6 minutes or less (I think very few of us stuck to that!). There were some touching moments, lots of laughter, and lots of insights. And although I was not one of the funny ones (I never am) - nor was I especially insightful - I thought I would share with you what I shared with everyone... 

My weekly lectio divina group... family.
7 AM every Wednesday.

My sharing from yesterday (slightly edited):

As you all know, synthesizing 11 weeks is not easy. I have grown a great deal in these weeks, but not in the ways I expected. Sometimes the most important learning happens outside the formal classroom, and the same is true for me. I have grown in profound ways that I will continue to unpack as time goes by. My assumptions have been challenged - I have been very reflective about what I've learned here about culture, about my own biases and prejudices, and all the things I still have to learn - and the time here has been deeply humbling for me, which I hope makes me a better, more patient, formator.  So, I thank each of you - the team, participants, guest speakers...

There are some concepts, though, related to the content that will stick with me. I think many things can be summed up with something Bro. Tim Driscoll said during week 5... our work is, "helping people in formation to move from an idea/ideal to something they live in their heart, something they embody, and something they can live in community." Communities that are warm, prayerful, and intercultural.

We are to accompany our folks in formation as they (and we) integrate what it is to be Marianist. It is not something that we do, but something that we are. The models of formation (especially the model of integration) give us a framework. And we need to be attentive to the fact that people have different models of formation - our community members, our formation teams, and even our formees - may have a different model of formation. We need to be attentive to that. We also need to be attentive to human formation/development so that we can accompany individuals instead of monolithic groups. 

Sr. Franca reminded us that the world in which we currently live is marked by BANI - bitterness, anxiety... it is non-linear and incomprehensible. This has an impact on what we do and how we go about it. So, we have to be discerning. Getting support from a mentor or a peer group is really important. As Sr. Marie Joëlle said, "An isolated Christian is a Christian in danger." We need that support so we can be people of "joy, conviction, and hope..." I wish I could remember who said that to us...

Ultimately - as many have said already - formation is the work of the Holy Spirit with Mary as model and guide. Our job is not to get in the way of what the Spirit is doing. May it be so.

This is what I shared with the group yesterday. It's imperfect, but it is a good overview of what I am carrying with me. More will unfold with time.

My heart is full, and at the same time, I am sad. I don't know when - or if - I will see any of these folks again. And, no, I'm not being dramatic. It's a fact. Our paths may not cross again. So, I will carry each of them in my heart.. until we meet again.

And now... I will allow myself a few tears. 
Many blessings,
Sr. N

Only two weeks left...

No matter how much time you've wasted in the past, 

you still have an entire tomorrow.

Denis Waitley (Ourmindfullife.com)

This past weekend we reached the 2 month mark... We've been together for 2 months! Now, we have 2 weeks left. In fact, 2 weeks from today I will wake up in my bed in Dayton. It's crazy how things (how I?) have changed in this time. 

An illustration for you... Take a look at this picture.

This picture was taken fairly early on during our time here. Each day we have two tea breaks - one mid-morning and one in the late afternoon. This was one of the two. And you see me sitting... alone... lost in my thoughts. What you can't see (with a small exception) is that everyone else is standing or sitting in small groups... chatting, laughing, sharing, etc. 

I spent so much time in the first 3 - 4 weeks trapped in my own mind. I was questioning a lot... Trying to figure out how to relate to folks from different cultures... Feeling shy about joining a conversation with people who are all from the same region... Being insecure about my lack of language ability... Nervous about verifying people's possible stereotypes of Americans... Feeling foolish because I don't understand a person's sense of humor and then responding in a weird way... or feeling foolish because I don't understand a person's accent and having to ask them to repeat themselves several times... 

I'm sure you get what I'm saying. 

Now... Contrast that first picture with the following pictures:

  

   

As I look towards leaving (while still "being here now"), I recognize that I'm going to miss a lot about being here. I'll miss the after-dinner walks -- laughing, singing, talking -- Walking down the hall in the morning to get coffee and hearing music from India coming from one person's bedroom (in Hindi? in Tamil? not sure) -- I'll miss hearing the joyous laughter erupting from particular folks (such joy!) - I'll miss the drumming and clapping in Mass while singing in a language I don't understand, but that I find beautiful --  I'll miss the conversations about culture, cultural norms, and different Marianist realities in various parts of the world -- And it will be weird to go home and not live in community with 30-something people... 

I am also lamenting the fact that I spent so much time stuck in my head. So much wasted time! Well... "wasted" in terms of building relationships, but not quite wasted as I consider the changes within myself... Anyway, I need to remember... I still have 2 weeks. So, I will be here now and welcome the graces that come - whether they come through times of reflection or in conversation/relationships.

Many blessings,

Sr. N

Reflecting

Cultural influences have set up the assumptions about the mind, 

the body, and the universe with which we begin; pose the questions we ask; 

influence the facts we seek; determine the interpretation we give these facts; 

and direct our reaction to these interpretations and conclusions.

Gunner Myrdal

As we begin this month of October and a week of retreat, I thought I would share a few thoughts on which I've been reflecting.

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I've known for a long time that the United States does not support a communitarian culture. We are individualistic, goal-oriented, privacy-protecting, independent, and rights-focused... generally speaking. This is something that I've grown more critical of in recent years... and yet, it remains deeply ingrained in me. Last weekend a few of us went to Sunday Mass at a nearby parish. At the end of Mass during the announcements, there was information given on upcoming weddings. "So-and-so, son of so-and-so, from such-and-such plans to marry so-and-so, daughter of so-and-so, from such-and-such. If anyone has reasons this marriage should not take place..." I gasped - audibly. I was flabbergasted and wondered, "What is happening?!" So, later at lunch, I asked my table about this practice. Those at the table (as far as I can remember right now) were from Zambia, Kenya, Vietnam, Ivory Coast, Malawi, India, and South Korea. Everyone was familiar with this practice - except the person from South Korea and myself. 

Marriage in many contexts is a communal affair. I learned from the conversation that it's not just for any reason that someone can speak in opposition to a marriage. But, perhaps someone in the community is aware that one of the people already has a spouse and family somewhere else... or that they are guilty of something serious... And it's a process, not just a random objection. They laughed when I asked about bitter exes trying to stop their former partner from marrying someone else. It's not like that. People don't disrespect the process.

I went from flabbergasted (and appalled?) to fascinated, curious, and deeply reflective. Shaped by the culture from which I come, I couldn't image this - someone interjecting into someone else's private life and trying to deny a right. But that is not the perspective from which others look at the situation. And perhaps there is something to learn from this... oh, arrogant American.

Something else I learned from the conversation... Since everyone in the parish knows when the wedding is (date and time), people just show up to the celebration... invitation... no invitation... it doesn't matter. Everyone is welcome. 

There's something about all this that I appreciate. 

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A funny exchange happened yesterday when a few of us went out for lunch after a hiking expedition. One of the Sisters ordered a drink I didn't recognize. The Brother sitting next to me explained, very matter-of-fact, "That beer is for women." "Oh?? (with an eyebrow raised) What does that mean?" I responded very calmly. "Oh! I mean... I'm not trying to... I mean... it's... hmm... you know... not as strong... good for women."... "Oh?" It was kind of funny to watch him trying to get himself out of that situation. What he was actually trying to say is that it's a good "starter" beer for those who don't drink. And to be fair, I should explain that this Brother doesn't drink at all. So, some slack is necessary. But it was interesting to me: 1. how matter-of-fact his statement was and 2. how quickly I responded with a challenge in my voice - not rudely - just challenging the statement.  

My understanding of the equality of the sexes is fierce - even in mundane things.

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Random learning from yesterday - 

Distance here is measured in kilometers. However, the odometer in vehicles is called "mileage." I tried to explain to people why this doesn't make sense, but no one understood (or cared?) what I was trying to point out. There should be another word for calculating distance that is based on kilometers instead of miles, yes? Why call it mileage if you don't use miles? 

I'm right about this one... 😉

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Last week I stayed up way too late on a Wednesday night having an intense conversation with a Brother from West Africa and one from India about the impact of colonization and white supremacy - missionaries and the "white savior complex" -  on religious life in their contexts. There is paternalism and a resulting infantilization that is still part of the dynamic in international congregations. Enlightening conversation... but also maddening and somewhat strange for me as a person of color from a Western nation. I'm in such a weird position of privilege, but not quite... If that makes sense. I walk a line, and it influences everything. Mine is a unique voice, no doubt. I have so much still to learn, though. 

So much to carry with me into retreat this week. I appreciate your prayers... and know of mine!

From the chapel here at the retreat center

Blessings,

Sr. N

 

Visitors for the week

Even those who devote their entire lives to living in holiness soon discover that complete integration of energies is impossible while we are still “in the body.” This inner conflict means that we remain permanently imperfect and we will pass into eternity imperfect. Our only hope is to rely on the mercy of God. In a sense, this necessary transition from self-reliance to ultimate dependence on God is the meaning and purpose of the struggle. Victory over our vices is an illusory ideal. If our sins are the only things that make us rely on God, then it seems unwise to get rid of them too quickly.

Fully Human, Fully Divine: An Interactive Christology

M. Casey

Week 2 began with the arrival of visitors for the week. Seventeen members of the Society of Mary representing five different regions/areas joined us for the topic of human formation, psychosexual development, trauma, and safeguarding vulnerable persons. Not a light week! More on that later... 

The 17 visitors are here because they serve on their provincial council in the office of religious life, work at the Marianist seminary in Rome, serve as novice directors, or work in vocations. Five of the 17 are from the United States - Bro. Dennis (Dayton), Bro. Mark (San Antonio), Fr. Tim (St. Louis), Fr. Danny (Long Island, NY), and Fr. Peter (Long Island, NY). It's been good to spend time with them!  

The larger group...

In the randomly assigned seats,
we just happened to be seated together...

 

I mentioned in my last blog that we were planning to visit the Giraffe Centre here on the outskirts of Nairobi. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but the place was much smaller than I imagined. But it was cool. I fed an adult giraffe and a baby giraffe. One of the Brothers was teasing me because he said I was frightened. Not true. If you know me at all you know that I HATE being licked by animals. And giraffes have really long, sloppy, thick tongues. I was NOT having that animal lick me! LOL. And you could tell by the way I held out my little bowl of giraffe food. 😉

Of the dozens of pictures we took, there is not one
in which everyone is looking at the camera.

One thing I didn't know before coming (one thing among many) is that the Dimesse Sisters' property is in a place outside of Nairobi called Karen. It is named for Karen Blixen... the woman about whom the movie Out of Africa is based. Karen Blixen was a Danish author who started a coffee plantation here in the early 1900s. It was huge.  So, the land she owned bears her name. 

We watched Out of Africa last weekend - well, it was optional. It's a long movie, so not everyone stayed up. We watched in English with French subtitles. 

Crazy hair, don't care... Movie time!

Okay, now on to the topics for the week. We started the week reflecting on different models of formation... and moving towards a model of integration. It was a long day with a lot of information, but it will definitely stick with me. It's from this day that I drew the quote at the beginning of this blog. 

Models of Formation

Then we were joined by Tina Campbell - a laywoman from Scottland who has worked with many religious congregations on safeguarding vulnerable persons. She is a therapist (although, not practicing these days) and consultant. 

 

       

And although this has been a heavy week, we also had light-hearted moments. We celebrated another birthday, which was fun!

And we had significant moments of prayer. In fact... at Mass a couple of nights ago, our Brothers from Eastern Africa sang a communion meditation song in Swahili... with 4 part harmony... amazingly beautiful. I wish I would have recorded it. 

This weekend, we will have an excursion to a place called Tribal Village (I think). At this place, we will be able to learn how each tribal group lived prior to colonization... and about traditional practices, dress, and dances. Not sure what I think, honestly. I am guessing that it is a little similar to the Polynesian Cultural Center in Hawaii. We'll see... 

Okay. That's enough for now. Eventually, I will share with you about the food. But, that'll come later.

Mutual prayers!

Nicole, FMI

Resurrected life...

Rejoice in the Lord always. I shall say it again: rejoice!

Your kindness should be known to all. The Lord is near.

Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition,

with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God....

Keep on doing what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me.

Then the God of peace will be with you.

Philippians 4:4-6, 9

Happy Easter!

I pray that each of you is experiencing the grace of this season - 50 days of unbounded joy!

To say that I love Easter - and spring - is a huge understatement. Recently, I was reflecting on new life and hope for the April Giving Voice Newsletter. (note: For those of you who are not familiar with Giving Voice, it is a national network of women religious in their 20s, 30s and 40s. This network of women is a very important part of my life. But, that's a reflection for another time.) In the newsletter I wrote,

Our joy has its source in the love of God poured out so generously in the selflessness of Jesus. Jesus came into this world to give us life, love, and an opportunity to enter into a new relationship with God. We celebrate in this time of Easter the fact that life, love, God always has the last word. The stone was rolled away. Death does not have the final say... 

Easter is the reason that we can look forward in hope. However, for some reason, I find myself looking back. This Easter I find myself reflective on months gone by. Easter is not a natural time for reflection for me. Perhaps I should clarify. Each day gives me an opportunity to reflect. However, it is typically during the seasons of Advent and Lent that it seems natural to take a step back, consider how things are going, what I've learned, how I've grown or where changes should happen etc. Easter doesn't typically carry the same intention. So far, though, this Easter is different.

It's been just over 10 months since I professed final vows as a Marianist Sister (time flies!). The academic year at the high school in which I teach is coming to a close. The academic year at the university where I staff a vocations office has already ended. Soon the two discerning young women who live with us at Annunciation House of Discernment will be entering the first stage of initial formation with our Province (after they take a fantastic 2-week road trip to do some camping, hiking and backpacking). And my role in our Province will soon take on a few added facets. So, it seems this is an appropriate time to reflect.

This academic year has been a year of transition. If you've followed my blog for any length of time you will see that transition is one of the few constants in my life. It's the paradox of life, I suppose. Transitions...

I am no longer in formation with the Sisters. I am a finally professed Sister - with all the responsibility, stability, freedom, worries and joy that comes with that. My teaching load increased this year, while the amount of time I spend at the high school has decreased. This year was my first year to coordinate vocations efforts at the university... my first year to serve on the core team of Giving Voice... and my first year to serve on a number of committees (a new building at one of our Marianist properties, a planning team for an international Marianist program...). It is my first year to be a part of a Marianist community outside of the home - a group of committed younger adults (all younger than me) who share faith, prayer, hopes and life. Then there is our little community at home (Annunciation House) - We were a community of 2 who became 3 and then 4... will be 5 for several weeks this summer... this community challenges and supports each of us on our journeys of being who God has called us to be.

In the midst of all this, I can say that this year has been one lesson in humility and gratitude after another. I am deeply grateful for the months gone by... with all their ambiguity, failures, laughter, good conversations, growing relationships, prayer and challenges. I am grateful for the grace of God that works through (or in spite of?) my limitations. I am grateful for our little community at Annunciation House - filled with such laughter, trust, prayer, and support. I am grateful for co-workers who support and pray for each other and are deeply committed to the mission of educating youth for service, justice and peace. I am grateful for the friends in my life - the people who listen, advise, commensurate, and pray with/for me.

And this is truly what it means to live the resurrection - to have hope in the midst of challenges, being grateful for the lessons learned, recognizing and trusting in the love of God so generously shared. This is the source of my Easter joy!

Many blessings to all who read this!
Sr. N

Gratitude for 2013

In all circumstances, give thanks, for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:18

Grace and peace to you today!

It's been a while since I've sat down to type a few thoughts here in my blog. This is certainly not because I've run out of things to say! You may know that when I write, I'm fairly verbose. It's more because my life is much more full than it was when I began this blog. Those of you who have been reading my blog for a while may recall that I started this blog when I was a first year novice. Back then I blogged nearly once a week about my prayer life, what I was reading, living in community etc. It's now been about 7 1/2 years since I began this blog (under a different name) and life has changed a great deal.

Being that today is the last day of 2013, I've been reflecting this morning on the gifts and blessings of the year gone by. It's been year full of travel, wonderful people, extended moments of silence, deep prayer, deepening in my understanding of my various roles etc. And I've composed a list of  moments/lessons/events/people for which I am grateful. I thought I would share. By the way, these are in no particular order.

1. Friends
I am grateful for the many people in my life who challenge me to see things from a different perspective. Those who offer support when I feel overwhelmed by life. The ones with whom we share with one another our struggles, joys, hopes and dreams. The people who send random texts just to give me an update on their lives or to say they prayed for me that day. Many of these people do not live in the same city that I do and it is often difficult to maintain friendships across the miles (at least, that's true for me). However, there are those with whom the friendship is very well maintained. I am grateful for these people.

2. Saying "no" can feel very selfish at the moment, but sometimes it is the best thing - for everyone.
Of course, this is not a new lesson for me. In fact, it is one that I seem to learn over and over again. I suppose I'm a slow learner. Somewhere in my life I learned that to be a "good person" you had to say yes to everything that is good and everything that might be helpful to others. Serving on a committee? That's a good thing to do -  "yes." Giving a talk at a conference? That's a good thing to do - "yes." There are more good things/opportunities in this world than any one person should ever say yes to. Sometimes, it is better to say no - even though it might feel selfish or self serving. Because what can happen if someone is over-scheduled with many good things, is that that person can no longer do a good job at any of them - something has to give. And if the only person "hurt" was the person who says yes to everything, it wouldn't be as big of a deal. But, often others lose something also. Lesson learned? Goodness, I hope so.

3. "Pope hope" (as one of our Sisters often puts it)
Over this past weekend a friend of mine said, "You have a crush on the Pope!" And I, with head bowed, replied, "Yes. Yes, I do." I have always been drawn towards people who challenge me to be better in ways I had not previously considered. No one is challenging me more these days than Pope Francis. The more I read of what he's written or said, the more I feel called to conversion of heart. Conversion in my attitudes towards ministry. Conversion in my prayer life. Conversion in the way I live the vow of poverty. Conversion in the way I care for the poor and the marginalized of our communities. Lately, I've been reading (and praying with) the Pope's Apostolic Exhortation, Evangelii Gaudium. It seems that every word of this document cuts right to the heart and is causing me to ask some serious questions of myself. The true test will be, however, whether or not the document propels me to some sort of action beyond myself. That's the true test of conversion, no?  

4. The summer of 2013 
There are no words to capture the grace that was the summer of 2013. I am not sure there has ever been a time in my life that I have felt more grounded, free, at peace, and filled with joy. There was a 30-day retreat that brought me into deeper relationship with Jesus and with Mary - and a greater commitment to the Marianist mission. There was the celebration of my 38th birthday with some of my closest friends. There was the day I walked MILES all over San Francisco with one very close friend and one new friend. Then there was the time spent with about 70 other "young nuns" - deep in conversation about charism and the future, dancing for hours with no shoes on (and very sore muscles the next day!), praying together and having a blast. There were the days spent at Indian Lake with other "younger" Marianists - praying night prayer on a boat in the middle of the lake as the sun set will always be a highlight of those days - as well as Marianist karaoke and late night conversations under the stars. All of this was capped off by the celebration of my perpetual vows in August. What a glorious weekend that was! So full of joy. Definitely a wonderful way to bring an end to a summer full of grace.

5. 2013 was the year of publicity… I'm not a fan.
With newspaper articles, magazine interviews, photo shoots, and sharing my bio numerous times, it seemed that my picture and my story were "everywhere" (at least in my small world) for a while. This has never been true in my life until 2013.  And, I think I will be happy if it is not a major part of my life moving forward. The most awkward thing was the photographer who came to CJ to take pics for St. Mary's Univ. alumni magazine. I have never been so uncomfortable in my life! My students in my 5th period class seemed very amused, though. The lesson here? That's not the kind of life I want to live - I much prefer being under the radar.

6. Retreat work seems to be in my blood
In the spring of 1990 I attended my first retreat. From 1990 until this very day I have had a hand in planning and/or attending more than 5 retreats a year. I have come to the realization this year that this part of my life is probably not going away any time soon. Not that I ever wanted it to, but I suppose I assumed that I would "grow out of it" or "move on." Nope. It's in my blood. And I think it's a good thing.

7. Ideas and dreams are good things. However, bringing them to fruition may not happen or may not happen in my way or with my timing. And that's okay.
When I dream - when I think about the future - I tend to dream big. For the most part, in my everyday life, I am a realist - fairly practical and objective. However, every once in a while an idealistic side of me takes over and with wide-eyes and a bit of naiveté I want to change the world. My response to those who are more realistic than me is often, "Why not?" or "Who says I/we can't do thus-and-such?" And while there is a time and a place for such wide-eyed idealism, there is also a need for the balance of realism. That's a bitter pill to swallow for someone like me. But, it reminds me that I'm not actually the one in charge - thank you, God! I am grateful to those who do not laugh at the ridiculousness of my dreams, but gently pull me back down to earth and reality. But, the dreams are still there. And who knows. Maybe someone else will bring them to fruition at a later time. Or not. And that's okay.

8. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
With that being said, sometimes even when an idea seems preposterous or when the roadblocks seem insurmountable, we may be called to do it anyway. Trusting in God and taking a risk on an impossible dream may sometimes be what we are called to do. Of course, there is a certain amount of discernment that has to go into this. But, if one never tries… never steps out of the box… never takes a risk… then one will never know what could happen. This was made more evident to me in the purchasing and establishing of our discernment community, Annunciation House. Sometimes, you just need to take a risk - and trust that God will guide, provide and sustain.

9. Never underestimate people's capacity for generosity.
In relationship to #8 I would be remiss if I did not mention how grateful I am for the generosity of so many people in helping us establish Annunciation House. From all those who gifted us with dishes and bedding… small appliances and gift cards… to those who gave innumerable hours in cleaning walls, power washing the deck, moving furniture, etc. We are so very grateful. Personally, I was overwhelmed with people's generosity. I still am when I sit back and consider how much was given to us and how much practical support we received. Thank you all!

10. Community.
This year I am grateful for community. We are small, but that's okay. It allows for flexibility and deeper relationships. Perhaps it would be very difficult for someone to live in a community that is always in flux. However, I have found a lot of grace in that. We started with 2 - then we grew to 3. Now we are at 4 and may grow to 5 in 2014. And it's good. God has gifted us in many ways. It is a blessing to live in a community whose sole purpose is to be a place of discernment. Who doesn't need that in their lives, right?

And so, there you have it - random thoughts on the year 2013. Today I was considering the tradition of making New Years resolutions. I haven't done it in a long time. As of yet, I haven't made a decision about it for 2014. However, my hope is that in 2014 I will continue to learn and grow more and more into the person God created. Our world needs people who are perfectly themselves - it is only in this way that we can cooperate with God and one another in establishing God's kingdom.

Blessings of peace and joy to all who read this!
Sr. N

In response to the call of Christ, for the glory of the Holy Trinity, 

the love of the Virgin Mary and the service of the Church, 

in the hands of Sr. Franca Zonta, FMI, Superior General, 

I,Nicole Denise Trahan, freely vow to observe during my entire life 

chastity, poverty, obedience and stability 

according to the Rule of the Congregation of the Daughters of Mary Immaculate 

and in union of life with my Sisters.

Marianist Sisters - Vow Formula

Professed on Saturday, August 3, 2013

It hardly seems possible that a person can feel as much joy and peace as I have felt for the past several weeks. This past weekend, in the presence of over 200 friends, family, Marianists (both lay and vowed) I put my right hand on the Book of the Gospels, my left hand around a lit candle and spoke the above words. 

The day - indeed, the whole weekend - could not have been more perfect. So much joy! It is difficult to put it all into words and it almost seems too big to really take in. There is much for which I am grateful and so much that I could say. It's hard to know where to start... However, I think a good place to start would be to share with you my comments from the dinner that followed the Mass on Saturday. It won't be exactly what I said - because I ad libbed a little here and there - but the general gist is there.

What does one say on the occasion of her final vows? Where does one start? The first thing on my mind and in my heart is an overwhelming sense of joy and of gratitude. There are so many things and people and events for which I am deeply grateful. 

First of all - thank you to all of you. One for being present on this joyous occasion, but more than that thank you for your support, friendship, companionship, challenge, and affirmation over the years. While all of you have played and continue to play an important role in my Marianist life and faith journey, there are certain groups of people present here that I'd like to acknowledge.  

The first would be my family. I am so grateful for your presence here and also fro the ways that you have been supportive - challenged me - and helped me to become the person that I am (At this point, I introduced my family that was present). One thing that is somewhat difficult is the physical absence of my mom who passed away in 1999. However, I know very well that she's here. I'll tell you a little story that helps me to know that.

I don't often remember my dreams. Truth be told, I don't remember much of anything usually. But I remember one dream very clearly from my pre-novitiate year. In my dream I walked into the living room of our old convent in San Antonio. And there in the living room was my mother - asleep on the couch. She rolled over and woke up and I said to her, "When did you get here?" And she said to me, "Don't you know? I've been here the whole time..." So, I know that she is present here with us now. 

Secondly, I am deeply grateful for and indebted to the Marianist LIFE Program. LIFE, for those of you who may not be familiar, is the program for high school students that has a number of objectives. One, is to immerse students in the Marianist community and charism - to teach them what it means to be a follower of Jesus as a Marianist. Second is to help them examine the relationships in their lives with self, others, and God. The last objective is to give them the tools and help them develop the skills necessary to be Marianist leaven in their home contexts. 

I first became acquainted with Marianist LIFE in 2001. And my first reaction was, "Who are these crazy, super liberal people?" But the Spirit of God and of Mary are stronger than my biases and these people became like family. And for the next 11 years I was associated with the LIFE program - serving on the coordinating team for 9 of those years. Every summer I moved to Camp TECABOCA in the hill country outside of San Antonio for 14 days of hard work, sweat, laughter, tears, prayer and living community. It is because of Marianist LIFE that I was drawn to the Marianist family. It was at LIFE that I made a public commitment as a lay Marianist. LIFE changed my life. And it was because of LIFE that I am here today (at this point, I asked all those associated with LIFE to stand and I said...) Thank you for teaching me what it means to be Marianist.

As Sr. Gretchen alluded to, the path from when I entered the Sisters to this day is relatively long. I entered in the summer of 2005 - 8 years ago this month. And in those 8 years so much has happened that perhaps would not have if not for those who had a hand in my formation. Working as pre-novitiate or novice director or serving as a mentor for those who are temporary professed is most likely not an easy thing.... especially if you're working with someone as independent and opinionated as I am. So, I want to say publicly how much I appreciated the support, challenge and companionship of Gretchen and Laura. Thank you for your patience, guidance, and your listening. And in that vane, thank you to all my Sisters. Each Sister of our tiny Province has had an impact in some way on who I am as a Marianist Sister and a woman of faith in our world and in our ecclesial context. Thank you for your love. Thank you also to Sr. Franca who is here with us tonight. It is a blessing to have you here and I appreciate it a great deal.

As you may have noticed when I introduced my family, God did not bless me with any brothers. However, now I am blessed (said with air quotes) with 100s of them all over the world - many of whom are present here and have become dear friends over the years. I once joked that if I ever wrote a book about my relationship with the Society of Mary it would be called, "Truly My Brothers," because that is who you are for me - with your relentless teasing, coupled with your concern for me personally and for our Sisters. I am always touched by your generosity and do not know if I could have made this journey without you.

There is a lot more that I can say - there is so much for which I am grateful - but I think the most important thing is my relationship with God and with Mary, without which none of this makes any sense at all. It is because of Mary's presence in my life that i have the humility and courage to say "yes" to God alone.

In conclusion, I have a few questions for you. For how many of you is this the first time for you to witness and celebrate someone professing vows as a Marianist. (show of hands) Well I hope it's been a good experience and that we haven't scared you away! For how many of you is this the first time to be at an FMI profession (show of hands)? And for how many of you is this your first time to be a part of the final vows of a Marianist Sister? (almost everyone raised their hands, including me).

Yea, me too! But my deepest prayer is that this is not the last one we have the opportunity to celebrate. And I have confidence that there will be others who make a commitment as a Marianist Sister in our Province. But it will take something from each of us gathered here. The most important thing is prayer. Let us pray for all those contemplating the possibility of Marianist Religious Life. For, as Pope Francis has reminded us, vocations are born of prayer. It also takes a willingness to invite people to consider this life and then to walk with them as they discern. So, even though I'm the vocations director, it is not up to me. It is up to God and is dependent on the cooperation of all of us. I look forward to collaborating with you in that. 

Okay - one last thing. You may have noticed a large empty space over to my right. If you guessed it's a dance floor, you've guessed correctly! After the conclusion of our program, if you'd like to join me in celebrating with a little dancing I invite you to do so! We have the ballroom until 10:30. And even if you aren't the dancing type, I invite you to stick around and talk with people and hang out for a while.

Thank you again for being here tonight and may each of you be abundantly blessed in the ways you most need.

For those of you who are unaware, at final vows the Marianist Sisters receive a silver ring which we wear on our right hand as a visible symbol (and tangible reminder) of our commitment. We have the tradition of inscribing something inside the ring. The words inside my ring are, "God alone" and are taken from one of the most used phrase in the writings of our foundress, Venerable Adele de Batz de Trenquelleon. Since I am no longer a "new sister" I have decided to use these words in the new title of my blog - "God Alone: The Continued Journey of Sisterhood." Thank you to my Giving Voice friends for helping me brainstorm a new title!

Many blessings to all who read this!

Sr. N

Where else can you find such grace happening through such craziness? 

Bro. Tom Wendorf, National Vocations Director for the Marianists Brothers and Priests

There is no other way to describe the past several weeks than with the quote here from my friend/colleague Bro. Tom. God is so interesting. I am quite possibly busier than I've been at any other time in my life... my calendar is pretty crazy. And yet, God's grace abounds and, somehow, I do not feel at all frazzled.

It all came into focus for me this weekend. This weekend the Marianist Family celebrated the perpetual profession of one of our Brothers - Tom Farnsworth. Tom and I entered religious life in the same year and professed first vows within months of each other. The Mass was beautiful - the UD chapel was packed... The reception and dinner were enjoyable and up-lifting. Last night, after everything was over, another Brother says to a group of us, "I don't know how anyone can come away from a celebration like this and not be inspired." There are no more appropriate words than those.

In his homily yesterday, Fr. Marty (the Provincial for the Marianist Brothers and Priests) stated that what Tom was doing was rare - making a permanent commitment - to live forever witnessing to Christ in this way. And it's true. In our society it seems that people can be a little "commitment-phobic." And the way of a religious is not the way for many people. So, it is rare. For me personally, discerning if a permanent commitment will be the next step in my journey, I am all too keenly aware of that tendency. But, Marty also said that it is God who "makes a vocation"... essentially, it is God who calls and it is God who gives the grace necessary to keep saying yes... even in the midst of craziness.

Lately I've been reflecting on the concept of the "grace of state" - the grace that God gives someone so that the person can live faithful to their call, whatever that call might be. I am reminded of a quote from Scripture, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I believe that anyone who says yes to a life-time commitment has this kind of confidence... this kind of faith in God's providence. And so I ask myself, "Is this the kind of confidence I have in God?" Well... I know that's what I desire to have.

Now, I'm not going to lie and say that in my so busy life everything has been smooth and without issues. We all know that can't be true. However, in the midst of e-mails and phone calls, paper work and planning, teaching and meetings... God's there. What else is there to say, right?

I've realized that in my life God's grace is often manifested through relationships... through friends and family, community and the larger Marianist family, coworkers and strangers. In recent weeks this has again been the case. Late night conversations with other "young" religious ... coffee with another vocations director... video chats with friends far away... texts from family... shared prayer in community at the end of a retreat day... conversations about prayer and discernment... the celebration of jubilees and professions... bowling with friends... all of these have been experiences of God and bearers of God's grace.

Yes. Even in the midst of craziness - perhaps especially in the midst of craziness - God's grace is ever present. And that is something in which I can have confidence.

Blessings to all who read this!
Sr. N