Until next time...

How lucky am I to have something

that makes saying goodbye so hard.

Winnie the Pooh

What can I say? I'm not sure what to say. There's too much... 

Yesterday, our last day together, each of us shared insights we've gained from being here - in 6 minutes or less (I think very few of us stuck to that!). There were some touching moments, lots of laughter, and lots of insights. And although I was not one of the funny ones (I never am) - nor was I especially insightful - I thought I would share with you what I shared with everyone... 

My weekly lectio divina group... family.
7 AM every Wednesday.

My sharing from yesterday (slightly edited):

As you all know, synthesizing 11 weeks is not easy. I have grown a great deal in these weeks, but not in the ways I expected. Sometimes the most important learning happens outside the formal classroom, and the same is true for me. I have grown in profound ways that I will continue to unpack as time goes by. My assumptions have been challenged - I have been very reflective about what I've learned here about culture, about my own biases and prejudices, and all the things I still have to learn - and the time here has been deeply humbling for me, which I hope makes me a better, more patient, formator.  So, I thank each of you - the team, participants, guest speakers...

There are some concepts, though, related to the content that will stick with me. I think many things can be summed up with something Bro. Tim Driscoll said during week 5... our work is, "helping people in formation to move from an idea/ideal to something they live in their heart, something they embody, and something they can live in community." Communities that are warm, prayerful, and intercultural.

We are to accompany our folks in formation as they (and we) integrate what it is to be Marianist. It is not something that we do, but something that we are. The models of formation (especially the model of integration) give us a framework. And we need to be attentive to the fact that people have different models of formation - our community members, our formation teams, and even our formees - may have a different model of formation. We need to be attentive to that. We also need to be attentive to human formation/development so that we can accompany individuals instead of monolithic groups. 

Sr. Franca reminded us that the world in which we currently live is marked by BANI - bitterness, anxiety... it is non-linear and incomprehensible. This has an impact on what we do and how we go about it. So, we have to be discerning. Getting support from a mentor or a peer group is really important. As Sr. Marie Joëlle said, "An isolated Christian is a Christian in danger." We need that support so we can be people of "joy, conviction, and hope..." I wish I could remember who said that to us...

Ultimately - as many have said already - formation is the work of the Holy Spirit with Mary as model and guide. Our job is not to get in the way of what the Spirit is doing. May it be so.

This is what I shared with the group yesterday. It's imperfect, but it is a good overview of what I am carrying with me. More will unfold with time.

My heart is full, and at the same time, I am sad. I don't know when - or if - I will see any of these folks again. And, no, I'm not being dramatic. It's a fact. Our paths may not cross again. So, I will carry each of them in my heart.. until we meet again.

And now... I will allow myself a few tears. 
Many blessings,
Sr. N

Only two weeks left...

No matter how much time you've wasted in the past, 

you still have an entire tomorrow.

Denis Waitley (Ourmindfullife.com)

This past weekend we reached the 2 month mark... We've been together for 2 months! Now, we have 2 weeks left. In fact, 2 weeks from today I will wake up in my bed in Dayton. It's crazy how things (how I?) have changed in this time. 

An illustration for you... Take a look at this picture.

This picture was taken fairly early on during our time here. Each day we have two tea breaks - one mid-morning and one in the late afternoon. This was one of the two. And you see me sitting... alone... lost in my thoughts. What you can't see (with a small exception) is that everyone else is standing or sitting in small groups... chatting, laughing, sharing, etc. 

I spent so much time in the first 3 - 4 weeks trapped in my own mind. I was questioning a lot... Trying to figure out how to relate to folks from different cultures... Feeling shy about joining a conversation with people who are all from the same region... Being insecure about my lack of language ability... Nervous about verifying people's possible stereotypes of Americans... Feeling foolish because I don't understand a person's sense of humor and then responding in a weird way... or feeling foolish because I don't understand a person's accent and having to ask them to repeat themselves several times... 

I'm sure you get what I'm saying. 

Now... Contrast that first picture with the following pictures:

  

   

As I look towards leaving (while still "being here now"), I recognize that I'm going to miss a lot about being here. I'll miss the after-dinner walks -- laughing, singing, talking -- Walking down the hall in the morning to get coffee and hearing music from India coming from one person's bedroom (in Hindi? in Tamil? not sure) -- I'll miss hearing the joyous laughter erupting from particular folks (such joy!) - I'll miss the drumming and clapping in Mass while singing in a language I don't understand, but that I find beautiful --  I'll miss the conversations about culture, cultural norms, and different Marianist realities in various parts of the world -- And it will be weird to go home and not live in community with 30-something people... 

I am also lamenting the fact that I spent so much time stuck in my head. So much wasted time! Well... "wasted" in terms of building relationships, but not quite wasted as I consider the changes within myself... Anyway, I need to remember... I still have 2 weeks. So, I will be here now and welcome the graces that come - whether they come through times of reflection or in conversation/relationships.

Many blessings,

Sr. N

Reflecting

Cultural influences have set up the assumptions about the mind, 

the body, and the universe with which we begin; pose the questions we ask; 

influence the facts we seek; determine the interpretation we give these facts; 

and direct our reaction to these interpretations and conclusions.

Gunner Myrdal

As we begin this month of October and a week of retreat, I thought I would share a few thoughts on which I've been reflecting.

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I've known for a long time that the United States does not support a communitarian culture. We are individualistic, goal-oriented, privacy-protecting, independent, and rights-focused... generally speaking. This is something that I've grown more critical of in recent years... and yet, it remains deeply ingrained in me. Last weekend a few of us went to Sunday Mass at a nearby parish. At the end of Mass during the announcements, there was information given on upcoming weddings. "So-and-so, son of so-and-so, from such-and-such plans to marry so-and-so, daughter of so-and-so, from such-and-such. If anyone has reasons this marriage should not take place..." I gasped - audibly. I was flabbergasted and wondered, "What is happening?!" So, later at lunch, I asked my table about this practice. Those at the table (as far as I can remember right now) were from Zambia, Kenya, Vietnam, Ivory Coast, Malawi, India, and South Korea. Everyone was familiar with this practice - except the person from South Korea and myself. 

Marriage in many contexts is a communal affair. I learned from the conversation that it's not just for any reason that someone can speak in opposition to a marriage. But, perhaps someone in the community is aware that one of the people already has a spouse and family somewhere else... or that they are guilty of something serious... And it's a process, not just a random objection. They laughed when I asked about bitter exes trying to stop their former partner from marrying someone else. It's not like that. People don't disrespect the process.

I went from flabbergasted (and appalled?) to fascinated, curious, and deeply reflective. Shaped by the culture from which I come, I couldn't image this - someone interjecting into someone else's private life and trying to deny a right. But that is not the perspective from which others look at the situation. And perhaps there is something to learn from this... oh, arrogant American.

Something else I learned from the conversation... Since everyone in the parish knows when the wedding is (date and time), people just show up to the celebration... invitation... no invitation... it doesn't matter. Everyone is welcome. 

There's something about all this that I appreciate. 

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A funny exchange happened yesterday when a few of us went out for lunch after a hiking expedition. One of the Sisters ordered a drink I didn't recognize. The Brother sitting next to me explained, very matter-of-fact, "That beer is for women." "Oh?? (with an eyebrow raised) What does that mean?" I responded very calmly. "Oh! I mean... I'm not trying to... I mean... it's... hmm... you know... not as strong... good for women."... "Oh?" It was kind of funny to watch him trying to get himself out of that situation. What he was actually trying to say is that it's a good "starter" beer for those who don't drink. And to be fair, I should explain that this Brother doesn't drink at all. So, some slack is necessary. But it was interesting to me: 1. how matter-of-fact his statement was and 2. how quickly I responded with a challenge in my voice - not rudely - just challenging the statement.  

My understanding of the equality of the sexes is fierce - even in mundane things.

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Random learning from yesterday - 

Distance here is measured in kilometers. However, the odometer in vehicles is called "mileage." I tried to explain to people why this doesn't make sense, but no one understood (or cared?) what I was trying to point out. There should be another word for calculating distance that is based on kilometers instead of miles, yes? Why call it mileage if you don't use miles? 

I'm right about this one... 😉

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Last week I stayed up way too late on a Wednesday night having an intense conversation with a Brother from West Africa and one from India about the impact of colonization and white supremacy - missionaries and the "white savior complex" -  on religious life in their contexts. There is paternalism and a resulting infantilization that is still part of the dynamic in international congregations. Enlightening conversation... but also maddening and somewhat strange for me as a person of color from a Western nation. I'm in such a weird position of privilege, but not quite... If that makes sense. I walk a line, and it influences everything. Mine is a unique voice, no doubt. I have so much still to learn, though. 

So much to carry with me into retreat this week. I appreciate your prayers... and know of mine!

From the chapel here at the retreat center

Blessings,

Sr. N