Calm in the midst...

Nothing in all creation is so like God as stillness.

Meister Eckhart

What a whirlwind summer it's been so far! It has been a summer full of blessings (which I said about last summer), but completely different from last year. The day after school was out I left for Rome (see last blog post)… Then it was off to St. Louis for a service immersion trip with students… Then Frankfort/Chicago for retreat and a workshop on Ethics in Vocation and Formation Ministry… Yesterday I arrived back to Chicago for the weeklong Orientation for New Vocation Directors. When I get home from that I'll prepare for a trip down to my beloved San Antonio for the Marianist Lay Network of North America Assembly. Then it's off to be on retreat with our 2 pre-novices. By the time that's over I'll have approximately 10 days before going back to school. So, as you can see, whirlwind is an appropriate moniker!

In the midst of the craziness I am reminded of a line from the first poem I memorized in its entirety - "Go placidly amidst the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence." The Desiderata, a prose poem by Max Ehrmann, was a gift to my 8th grade class from our language arts teacher. I have never forgotten that first line. This line, and the entire poem really, has been a constant refrain in my life. It brings peace and calm in the midst of whatever is going on. If you are not familiar with the poem, please see it below.

As mentioned above I had the opportunity to make my annual retreat in Frankfort, Illinois this summer. I moved into a hermitage on the property of the Franciscan Sisters of the Sacred Heart on a Tuesday afternoon… and immediately felt a sense of peace. The quiet and the lack of clutter provided space to reflect, pray, sing, and sleep - all the important pieces of a good retreat (for me, anyway).

Hermitage - Rivo Torto ("tortuous stream" in Italian)

While in my hermitage I had a few reflections, some mundane/trivial and others not so much…

This is how I spent most of my mornings…  

Book recommended by my spiritual director

I met with a spiritual director on 3 afternoons of the 6 1/2 days I was there. In our first meeting after she asked me to tell her a little about myself, she went to her shelf and pulled down a book - Sabbath: Finding Rest, Renewal, and Delight in Our Busy Lives (pictured above). What an eye-opening book. In this book there is a quote by Thomas Merton (the full quote is not in the book, but I find the full quote to be quite challenging), 

"To allow one's self to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender to too many demands, to commit one self to too many projects, to want to help everyone in everything is to succumb to violence. Frenzy destroys our inner capacity for peace. It destroys the fruitfulness of our work, because it kills the root of inner wisdom which makes work fruitful."

Let that soak in for a minute. Violence to one self. It's strong language, no? In a world that currently has so much violence, it is difficult to see that our culture's addiction to busyness is also doing violence. I sat with that quote for a long time. I sat with the book for a long time. The book made a case (a good case) for incorporating Sabbath back into our lives. To really "Keep holy the Sabbath" - a commandment we typically ignore. Sure, going to Church on Sunday is something many of us do, but how many of us actually allow the day to be different from the other days? Allow it to be a time for renewal, friends, family, fun, relaxation? With so much to do - laundry, groceries, cleaning, yard work, grading (for those who are teachers), homework (for those who are students) - how can it be that we can incorporate Sabbath? It doesn't seem practical, does it?  But the alternative is doing violence to ourselves. Wow. My hope is that moving forward I might be able to embrace the Sabbath differently moving forward - as a first step to being a person who brings peace to situations and people.

Also in this book was an Hassidic Poem that resonated with me…

The insight? "All of your words each day are related to one another. All of them are rooted in the first words that you speak." It makes perfect sense, no? 

A mundane thing I learned while on retreat? What to do if you buy too much fresh spinach to eat in a week…

Looks gross, but sooo good!

Hmmm… liquid salad! 

Yes I finally learned to make a smoothie with a vegetable. I know I'm a little late to this craze, but I was skeptical. But this ugly concoction of blueberries, strawberries and spinach (what would normally be a salad for me) was amazingly good - and a great way to not let spinach go to waste.

I have always known that music is an important part of my spirituality, but one thing I didn't realize is how much I would long to pray in song while living in a hermitage. Why didn't I bring my guitar?! That was the question I could not figure out how to answer. But… my spiritual director came through with a special delivery one day… Her guitar! No music, but that's okay. I was able to play things I remembered from memory (many, many songs I learned early on while working with Aggie Awakening) and a few I could figure out by ear.

Her guitar and a nice note to accompany it...

Something else I learned? How to unlock this kind of lock:

That has this kind of key hole:

I had all the windows open and the ceiling fan going one day. And the breeze was strong enough to shut the bathroom door. I didn't mind that. That is until I tried to go to the bathroom and realized it was LOCKED! No key… no people around… I was worried. I still had days of retreat to go - what the heck was I going to do without a bathroom!? The more things I tried the more I really needed in that little room. Luckily I'm pretty handy with a pair of scissors. That was an adventure…

I spend time with Pope Francis on retreat as well. I finally finished reading Lumen Fidei and re-reading Evangelii Gaudium. And I think it would do me a little good to read them again. Some things you can't read enough times.

And so, there you have it. A small update on summer and some insights gained. As promised the poem Desiderata is below my signature.

I pray that each of you may be richly blessed.
Blessings,
Sr. N

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; 

and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.Keep interested in your career, however humble; 

it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be critical about love; 

for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. 

But do not distress yourself with imaginings.Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. 

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. 

Be careful. Strive to be happy.

© Max Ehrmann 1927

When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple there whom he loved

he said to his mother, “Woman, behold, your son.”

Then he said to the disciple,

“Behold, your mother.”

And from that hour the disciple took her into his home.

John 19: 26-27

Last summer I had the great blessing of being on retreat for 30 days in preparation for my final vows. The retreat is designed to help a person enter into certain times in the lives of Jesus and Mary in order to strengthen one's relationship with them both. In that way a person's "yes" has a foundation in something solid. The mysteries on which one meditates are the annunciation, the crucifixion, Pentecost and Cana. Today I return to my time on Calvary.

Of my 30 days of retreat the time I spent contemplating the scene on Calvary were the most meaningful - and the longest. The retreat, while guided by a director, was somewhat self-paced. This morning, as we enter into the mystery of Good Friday, I thought it would be appropriate to share with you some of my reflections from the days I spent "on Calvary" last summer… 
(The thoughts are a little disjointed because they were written on different days… and I've removed some things… Also, the image above is not the image written about below).

Today, I return to Calvary. The place where Jesus asks us to take Mary as our Mother. The place where both Jesus and Mary give of themselves completely for love of us.

This morning I am sitting in the Chapel at the Marianist Residence and trying to contemplate the image before me - Jesus is being lowered (presumably from the unseen cross) into the arms and lap of Mary who is gazing into the face of her dead son.

Can there be any image more sad than a mother gazing at the face of her dead child? It's a heartbreaking image. What must be on her mind? What anguish - what heartbreak - what sorrow….

I had not realized it until now - Jesus uses the same word (at least in the English translation) that Mary used at the Annunciation, "Behold." … "Woman, behold your son." "Behold your mother." Look and see with the eyes of love. Look and see with the eyes of your heart.  

I am the beloved disciple. I am the one whom Jesus loves. … At the foot of the cross Mary takes my hand. Both of us filled with sorrow - her sorrow much deeper. And yet, there is strength in her stance and faith in her gaze - it shows through even the deepest grief. Love. That is what I see. Love for Jesus and love for me. I want to drink that in.

Imagine how she held the broken and bruised body of Jesus after his death. This speaks to me in saying that she will also hold me in moments of need. But, it also says that in imitation of her, I should hold those who are crucified today - in the many ways people are crucified in our day.  

 "Mary, behold your daughter. Love her as you love me."  This is essentially what Jesus is saying, "Help her become the person you helped me to be. Teach her, guide her, listen to her, speak to her heart. Love her as you love me and as I love you."… "Nicole, behold your mother. Love her. Learn from her. Have her concerns as your own. Allow her to nurture my life in you so you can become more like me." 

Looking at the suffering Christ - I see love. "No greater love has one than this, to lay down one's life for a friend." That is what the call is - to be love. To give - not counting the cost. To sacrifice for the good of others…. Mary who taught Jesus all of what it means to be human in this world - teach me, as well, how to be more like Jesus - to be a better human being - to be love.

Yes, this is where my Good Friday prayers take me… to the foot of the cross with Mary. 

May each of you be blessed with the graces of this day as we contemplate the great love of Jesus poured out from the cross into our world… and into our lives.

Many blessings to all who read this,
Sr. N

 

 

 

 

A summer full of grace...

... it is not merely enough to piously desire holiness; 

we have to take means to put it in motion. 

We must get rid of all that might jeopardize or destroy 

the fullness of Jesus' life within us - a hard and long work of renunciation, 

but one that can be accomplished with the help of Mary. 

We must conform our ways of thinking, feeling, willing and acting to those of Jesus 

- a still harder and longer task... 

All this presupposes that we keep Mary in the midst of our spiritual work.... 

Without her, we cannot succeed; with her, we cannot fail.

Fr. Emile Neubert, SM

Devotion to Mary

Much grace and peace to you!
I hope you have a little time on your hands... this one's rather lengthy!

It's been a while since my last post. It seems that most of my posts in the past several months start with that statement. With the ending of the school year and all it that it involves, I wasn't able to post before embarking on my almost 30-day retreat. Yes, that's correct. This summer I was on retreat, in preparation for my final vows, for close to 30 days. It was mostly silent, but not completely. I talked to people at meals and had a few hours of frivolity (watching the Spurs, of course!). But mostly, I spent the majority of my days in prayer... reading... journaling... and exploring my prayer daily with 1-hour meetings with Sr. Gretchen who guided my retreat.

So, what exactly does one contemplate over the course of nearly 30 days? Well, to launch into detail, I would have to reproduce my journal from the experience. I filled almost every page of a brand new journal and used all of the ink a new pen.  Therefore, I will spare you every detail.

The name of the retreat is the Spirit of Saragossa. It is a retreat designed specifically for Marianists (male and female religious branches) around the world as we prepare for final vows. The name of it comes from the fact that one of our Founders, Blssd. William Joseph Chaminade, received inspiration to found the Marianist Family while in prayer before Our Lady of the Pillar in Saragossa, Spain. The retreat, then is meant to tap into that spirit of devotion that inspired WJC.


The retreat began with a week long all-province retreat. Most of our Sisters were able to join us at the Holy Name Passionist Retreat Center in Houston (which I highly recommend - beautiful property and the best "retreat food" I've ever had). The retreat was like doing the whole 30 days in a week. It was very fruitful for us as a group and for me as an individual.

One of the many beautiful gardens at the retreat house.

Our Sisters on retreat.
Along with Bro.  Les who was a co-presenter with Sr. Gretchen and Fr. Tim who was our chaplain.

The focus of the retreat is the Marianist vow of stability - the fourth vow that we take in addition to the vows of poverty, chastity and obedience that all religious take. There are other congregations that profess a vow of stability - that is to remain in their monastery for the rest of their lives. However, being that I belong to an apostolic congregation, the meaning is different for us.

Marianist stability is about a fundamental relationship - our relationship with Mary. Mary who is our mother, our model, our support and the means through which we are brought to Jesus. Marianist vow to  love and be devoted to Mary and to her mission - to bring forth and to nurture Jesus in our world. It's more than that, however. And it's the "more than that" that I find difficult to articulate.

On this retreat I spend several days on each of 4 mysteries of Mary - Mary at the annunciation, Mary at the foot of the cross, Mary in the Cenacle with the apostles awaiting the Holy Spirit at Pentecost, and Mary at Cana who says to us, "Do whatever he tells you." With each mystery there was a certain focus: the call to stability as a permanent commitment (annunciation), stability as love for Mary and living as the beloved disciple (Calvary), stability as love for the Daughters of Mary (Marianist Sisters) and the importance of our relationship in community with Mary (Cenacle), and stability as sharing in Mary's mission of giving Christ to the world (Cana).

The Marianist Sisters profess stability at first vows. However, I can honestly say that stability means more to me now than it did at that time or at anytime during temporary vows. The book I quoted at the top of the page, Devotion to Mary, was written by a French Marianist Priest in the 50s. I read it while I was on retreat because it fit so well into the purpose of the retreat. That book, combined with the grace-filled times of prayer, has had a significant effect on my spirituality and my relationships with both Jesus and Mary, but Mary especially... I will leave it at that.

On a few occasions, during the private portion of my retreat, I ventured from our house in San Antonio, to other locations for prayer. On one such day I went to Boerne (pronounced "burn-ie"... it's German, I think). It was during one of the days that I spent with Mary in the Cenacle - praying for openness to the Spirit and for union with our Sisters around the world.

Sitting at Cibilo Creek...
 this was before I got lost trying to find the car. 

You have to know... Boerne is one of my favorite little Texas cities. While there, I went to Cibilo Creek Nature Center and sat by the creek for a while... watching the butterflies and enjoying an atypical cool breeze. I saw a deer on my way to the creek and beautiful wildflowers. Then... on what should have been my 10 minute walk back to the car, I got totally lost... and ended up walking for an hour. But it was okay, had I not gotten lost, I never would have stumbled upon a great little "water fall"...

This picture does not do it justice.

Isn't that a great metaphor for life? You can have plans... and if you follow your plans exactly, you might miss something beautiful.

Once I finally left the park and had some lunch. I went to pray in one of my favorite Churches in Texas - St. Peter the Apostle in Boerne.

The openness, the sound of the baptismal font... it 's a very peaceful place.
It's a great place to contemplate being open to the Spirit.

This is the Eucharistic chapel at St. Peter's..

While I was praying - asking for openness to the
Holy Spirit, I looked over my should to the left... and this is what I saw.

When I was a novice, on my "desert days" I would sometimes drive out to Boerne just to sit in this Church while I prayed. The windows on the left side of the picture face out onto large hills (or small mountains?) - a beautiful site.

Before I knew it, the retreat was over. A month can go by very quickly. Especially when it is full of grace and many blessings. I finished the retreat exactly one month before my final vows. That was a significant day. One month before I say "yes" for the rest of my life to Mary's mission, to Jesus, in union of life with our Sisters. 

Both Blssd. William Joseph Chaminade and our Foundress, Adele de Batz de Trenquelleon said that as daughters (and sons, for the Society of Mary) of Mary we should be ready to go to the ends of the world if God so calls us. To this, I say yes!

I had planned to discuss other aspects of my summer in this blog... but it is already quite lengthy. I will blog again soon. However, this is probably the last time my blog will carry this title "The Life of a New Sister." As my friend, George, pointed out to me, "New sister?? Don't you think it's time to change the name? I mean, you've been around forever!" So, the name will change... 

Many blessings to all who read this,

Sr. N